War and teenagers

War, separation from family and moving to an unfamiliar country are deeply traumatic events for children and teenagers. They can affect their mental health, emotional state, behaviour, social relationships and future. Some of the possible effects of such events on the minds of children and teenagers are:

• Anxiety, fear, panic, insecurity, helplessness, despair.
• Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), characterised by reliving traumatic events as memories, dreams and flashbacks, avoiding reminders of those events, heightened tension, irritability, guilt and anger.
• Depression, sadness, apathy, loss of interest in life, low self-esteem, loneliness, thoughts of death or suicide.
• Dissociative disorders, which show up as a sense of detachment from oneself, one’s body, surroundings, emotions and identity, reluctance to speak, social isolation, loss of memory or consciousness.
• Behavioural disorders, which show up as aggression, violence, antisocial or criminal behaviour, alcohol or drug abuse, rule-breaking, rebelliousness, risky or self-harming behaviour.
• Developmental disorders, which include slowed or delayed physical, mental, language, social or educational development, regression in skills already acquired, immaturity or infantilism.

To cope with these effects, children and teenagers need psychological help, support, care and love. Some of the possible ways to help them are:

• Creating a safe, stable, comfortable and friendly environment where they can feel protected, accepted, respected and understood.
• Giving them the chance to express their emotions, thoughts, feelings, worries, needs and wishes through different forms of communication, such as talking, drawing, writing, play, music, sport, hobbies and so on.
• Explaining what is happening, why it is happening, what the possible consequences are and how to deal with them, in simple, clear, appropriate and honest language that takes into account the child’s or teenager’s age, level of development, interests and questions.
• Involving children and teenagers in decisions about their lives, giving them choice, control, responsibility and the chance to shape their own future, and encouraging their independence, initiative, creativity and cooperation.
• Ensuring access to education, health care, leisure, culture, art, religion, civil society, human rights and other resources that support the development, learning, self-fulfilment, integration and socialisation of children and teenagers.
• Maintaining and restoring family, kinship, friendship, ethnic, national, cultural and other ties that give children and teenagers a sense of belonging, identity, roots, heritage, values and traditions.
• Building up the self-respect, self-confidence, self-acceptance, self-care, self-esteem, self-fulfilment and self-help of children and teenagers, and teaching them positive thinking, purposefulness, optimism, flexibility, the ability to recover, willpower and resilience.

This is a very complex matter and impossible to describe in general terms. If you cannot find a way forward, it is worth turning to a professional psychologist, who can give you deeper and more individual help.

Take care of yourselves and your children!